Letters
by emedealer
Summary: Sherlock sends a string of letters to Molly when he is away, telling her of his experiences. His affection towards her becomes more apparent as time wears on.
1. Chapter 1

Lost Letters

Sherlock sends a string of letters to Molly when he is away, telling her of his experiences. His affection towards her becomes more apparent as time wears on.

A/N: So I suppose it's a good idea to start something up again.

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><p>1, April 2012<p>

Molly,

I hope you'll forgive me for the slowness of this letter, as I have not had the time to write anything of late. To describe the trials that I've faced thus far would be a useless endeavor. To ease your worry, know that the task is not more difficult than I imagined.

I write this on the edge of a dock, overlooking a large body of water which I am to cross on a cargo ship in the early hours of the morning. John reprimanded me once for my lack of knowledge concerning the solar system. I look up at the sky, as there isn't much more to do than wait, and I try to recall the names of the stars and constellations. Perhaps I do it because I'm forced to be away. If John were with me today, I'm sure he would not remember it.

Since I've been here, I've come across an old man who often finds me in a small pub just off the corner of the dock where I am now. I had been spending time there dressed as a sort of homeless drunkard - undercover work, obviously. I was unsure of him at first, but I soon found the old man to be harmless.

He did most of the talking (I doubt that it comes as a surprise to you), and he only ever really rambled on about his wife. I'm not one to judge over those sort of feelings, but it was so clear to me that this man truly loved the woman that he married. Of course he wasn't all there through most of what he had to say, but he acted as a sort of comic relief for me.

I don't usually find humour like I did in stories that he insisted on sharing with me, but I remember finding it once with you. If you will think back to the day I first met you in the lab, I hardly have to explain why I think back to it so often.

I am forced not to dwell on these moments too long, as the attention to the task at hand is taxing to the mind as well as the body.

It may come as a shock that I have neglected my appearance. If you were to see me today, I have no doubt that you would recognize me at a second glance. With the first though, you might think I was really the wayward, drunken soul that I apparently pull off quite well. You of all people know that I've played the part before, and willingly for that matter.

I am sorry to have brought up those memories again, but I do so to tell you that all of this is done for a purpose. To stoop to that level would only be for the most desperate of circumstances, even if the substances are so readily available in the place where I am. It is hard sometimes, to resist what I used to indulge in so carelessly.

From what I've said, I realize that I have given you cause to worry about the morality of my choices. Even though it would provide assurance, I cannot promise you anything.

There is much to do, and I don't wish to be as painfully overwhelmed as I am. It is a foreign feeling to me, and I don't care to feel it much longer.

You might ask when I will come back. To spare any further pain on your part, I ask you to accept that my return is not certain. The idea of it becomes more of a far off dream to me as I begin to understand the task that lies ahead. I ought to tell you that I am prepared for the dangers I face, but you would read it and know that I am anything but. I expect that a lie would be more damaging for you than the truth, as I have no doubt you would see through it.

I think of how much of a privilege it had been to be able to see you in your usual setting, and how your presence in the lab at Bart's harbored a sense of stability. It was one that I find myself lacking today, now that I cannot be near you.

You have always been consistent, which is trait that you of all people know that I never picked up. I would blame that on my occupation, but you undoubtedly know it's only because I am an exceedingly stubborn man.

As I am forced to be in this place, it is difficult for me to see an end to it. I know that it might be a very long time before I can consider the possibility of coming back, but I would have you know that your faith in me is something that I dwell on very often.

I wanted to tell you that everything I asked of you was a testament of your importance to me.

I hope that you will not be so affected by the contents of this letter as to refuse to answer it. Any words that you might have for me would undoubtedly lift my spirit.

Until then, know that I am safe.

SH


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you for stopping to read a bit of my nonsense, I hope you enjoy it. Leave a review if you feel so inclined, I always get excited to see them in my inbox._

23, August 2012

Molly,

Not long ago I came to a city where I found it possible to rest for a few days. The past months have been filled with an onslaught of missions, and some side work as well. You know that I am not one to resist an intriguing case. Although the process was slowed a bit by doing so, I believe that it at least kept me sane for the time being.

The general air of large cities have the tendency to be more forgiving of men like me. Then again, I've not yet met another person in the same predicament that I am in at the moment. I might be surprised if that happened, but the list of things that do surprise me is growing shorter, and I don't doubt that one day it will disappear altogether.

I want to describe the landscape of the area surrounding the city, which I am afraid must remain nameless. I walked a long while before I was taken in by an acquaintance of mine. It was a route with many small houses along the sides of the road, which all looked very peaceful in their natural setting. I thought deeply about the difference between my life, and those of the people that live in these little settlements.

For the first time, I was able to see the reasoning behind choosing such a quiet life. Not that I would ever decide to lead such a dull existence, but I could understand the choice. It's becoming more common that I have epiphanies like this, and it always catches me off guard. Perhaps it's a sign that my stubborn nature is waning a bit, although I still doubt it very much.

My hair is longer than it's ever been, which isn't exactly preferable, but it helps with a disguise from time to time. I have no doubt that if John saw me today, his reaction – probably laughing at my appearance would subside his anger for a moment at least.

I will be relocated soon enough, and to a further reach of the country. I've not been told the exact location, only that it will be vastly less populated. These people make their attempts to hide things from me, thinking their lies will spare me something.

Having dealt with these sort of behaviors since I was a child, the sense of pride that I have from seeing through them is deterring from me. One does grow tired of it over time, but such is human nature.

There was endless opportunity to do so before, and everyone – even John – took it. Their efforts were for my benefit, but it continued to prove useless.

You never made a similar attempt, one that I would inevitably catch. You were aware that there was no use to trying to feed me lies, and that has always made an impression on your character.

It is a firm and lasting regret of mine that I never took the time to ask you questions when I spent my time in the lab. I don't remember ever inquiring of your opinions, but know that I received them from you.

At the time, I suppose that I was too caught up in whatever it was that had captured my attention to really listen to what you told me. But your words would always come to me later, as if I had subconsciously stored them away for further use.

Your insight - the things that you said - _did_ stay with me, Molly.

I used to wish that I was far away from everything, but since having that old wish granted, a great many regrets and inconveniences have bared their weight. I have come to know that the tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live.

Feeling this way has uprooted a great deal of thoughts that I haven't visited for a long while. But I believe that in making the decision to focus on the only thing that holds any form of steadiness in my life, the world won't topple over the edge any more than it already has.

You have always provided it, and I wish that I could express my gratitude in person. Unfortunately I can only do so with words, but I have been told that even they can be very powerful.

I said that I would not blame you if there was no answer to my previous letter, and I have kept my word. All I ask is that you read them and know that they are only for you to see.

I am sorry for the length of it, but the note had to be kept brief.

I hope that you are well,

SH


End file.
